Ambrose Anthony Brimrose
There are many dictionaries available featuring definitions and origins of familiar, well-worn cliches such as "Busman's Holiday" or "Ragtag and Bobtail." Where do you turn, however, when you run across a lesser-known phrase such as "Don't be licking the doily?"
All in a crazy uncle's night. Just one of many acts of debauchery.
Beat a crooked path to the lion's den, Don't. If you must deal with an unpleasant task, don't put it off.
Beat a dead horse to the finish line, You don't have to. There's no use competing with individuals you've already crushed professionally.
Beat around the nookie tree, Don't. Don't bother with sexual foreplay.
Beat your own tambourine, dear. Satisfy yourself sexually.
Between an elephant and an eye pencil. Said of an individual who discovers themselves in a humorous but potentially life-threatening situation.
Bladder burster, That's a real. Referring to a joke so funny it makes you wet your pants.
Blow the big load. Spend all your money.
Boy scout troop in an Argentine brothel, like a. In the manner of a person who finds themselves in a situation ripe with wondrously depraved possibilities.
Built like a submarine. Said of a man who is extremely well-endowed sexually.
Built like a submarine sandwich. Said of a man who is extremely well-endowed sexually, but somewhat messy.
Burn the cot, not the cottage. If you're going to use unnecessarily strong measures to solve a problem at hand, try not to do any more damagethan is necessary.
Call a spade a club. Speak in a confusing and indirect manner.
Carry the bowl, I got you to. I tricked you into taking responsibility for my own ineptness.
Carry your nails to Santa Monica, Don't. Don't make such a big deal out of it.
Catch more diseases with honey than with flies, You can. Even easy women are more attracted by sweet talk than six-legged invertebrates.
Chicken's eye short of a clean towel, A. Referring to someone who is certifiably insane.
Claim check for that baggage, Do you have. Said in response to someone who has just said something to indicate they have a lot of deep-seated emotional problems.
Clear as a kumquat. Ill-defined, but in an oddly sexual way.
Clothing-optional co-pilot. A business partner who is also a practicing nudist.
Codfish and Bulldog Story, A. A tale that isn't meant to be believed, yet still contains an important and valuable message.
Cold hands, warm thighs. Said of a person with poor circulation who is nonetheless a good sex partner.
Come to the party naked. When having a good time, leave your inhibitions at home.
Come to the party without round crackers, Don't. While you're at it, don't skimp on the snacks you bring.
Comparing potato salad to pastrami, That's like. You're making a ridiculously unbalanced comparison.
Conspiracy of invisible monkeys. Paranoid delusions.
Count your toes before your fingers, Don't. Take care of the most important tasks first.
Cows come back to Capistrano, When the. It will never happen.
Cream of the Crap, The. The best of the worst.
Cup of Lebanese donkey urine, Not worth a. Worthless.
Dead as disco. Mostly dead but not quite, due to occasional unexpected and unexplainable resurgence brought about by nostalgic movies about theseventies.
Death's stage door, At. Said of a hypochondriac who frequently and annoyingly claims to be dying.
Den of Milkmen. A gathering place for people who are menacingly innocuous.
Dodging a Ballet. Said of a husband who feigns illness or scheduling conflict to avoid participating in activities related to his wife's interests.
Doesn't have all her sandwiches packed in her picnic basket, She. She's not ready for any kind of real emotional commitment.
Dog doesn't chase it's own tail for nothing, A. When you see someone acting in an inexplicable way, perhaps they're simply getting their daily exercise.
Dressed to kill a mockingbird. Wearing bird-hunting attire.
Drop of a skirt, At the. Said of a man who is always ready to engage in any sexual activity with any woman given any opportunity, especially if she's wearing a plaid skirt.
Drunk as a drunk. Chronically intoxicated to the point of membership in The American Society of Professional Alcoholics.
Dutching the Jenny. Pretending to fall in love with a older woman so she'll pay for your meals.
Early bird buys the first round, The. The first woman in a group of drinkers is customarily expected to buy drinks for everyone.
Easy as chicken and shit pie. Said of a problem that appears simply solved at first but likely presents hidden and unpleasant complications.
Every dog has its day-glo poster. Each person has his or her own secret bad tastes.
Face the music and cry. When things get tough, sometimes it's best to face your problems head-on and then fall apart emotionally.
Fall flat on your crotch. To take a tumble -- literally or figuratively -- in such a way that is both awkward and painful.
Fat cat on a hot tin roof, A. A rich person in a frenzy of activity.
Finger your own clarinet, honey. (See "Beat your own tambourine, dear.")
Fisherman who ties his own flies goes to bed healthy, wealthy, and wise,The. There is great spiritual comfort to be found when you incorporate an attention to detail into your daily philosophy.
Fit as a flapjack. In unbelievably poor physical shape.
Fix your own fucking trumpet, Jack. (See "Beat your own tambourine, dear.")
Fly in the fondue, A. An irritating party guest.
From the horse's butt, Straight from. An irrefutable but unpleasant truth.
Gallon of Haitian goat's blood, Not worth a. Without value, except possibly to a Voodoo priest.
Gee, isn't life complex? A sarcastic saying, usually said when someone is complaining about all the difficulties they currently face.
Get it down your neck or get the boot. Drink up before they kick us out!
Grab the wolverine by its tonsils. Tackle the toughest part of the problem first, even if you may end up in the emergency room as a result.
Habitual survivor. Said of a person who just keeps living without contributing anything significant.
Just because you can read, it doesn't mean you can read between the lines. Although you may be well-educated, it doesn't necessarily follow that you have any common sense.
Just because you're on fire it doesn't mean you're allowed to smoke. Even if you're having a crisis, it doesn't necessarily follow that showing a lack of social decorum is acceptable.
King Turd on Shit Mountain. A big fish in a very small, smelly pond.
Know the difference between his ho-ho and his ding-dong, He doesn't. He's utterly clueless about sexual matters.
Liter of Filipino peat moss, Not worth a. Worthless, except to a gardener.
Pint of Siamese cat piss, Not worth a. Mostly worthless.
Pretty as a pudding. Ugly and misshapen, but with a tough outer skin.
Pulling a Bambi. Leaving one's lover for a musician.
Pulling a Betty and Veronica. Dating two women at the same time.
Pulling a Brenda. Leaving one's lover after setting fire to his car.
Pulling a Tiffany. Leaving one's lover for no apparent reason at all.
Ready to snap the big red hose. On the verge of having a stroke.
Trip over the dead cat on your way out, Don't. Don't waste any time leaving.
Watch that basket. Refers to someone who has just indicated that they have all their eggs in one basket.
What do you want, a boob in your beer? Why can't you just be satisfied with what you have?
When in doubt, take a nap. If the problems you are facing get too tough, sometimes the best thing you can do is just to ignore them.
can't make coleslaw without cutting cabbage.
It's not possible to solve this particular problem without doing some damage.