--- LEVEL 1 ---


SCENE 1: Charlie Wakes Up

Charlie wakes up and realizes that his alarm didn't go off.  He's hung over from the night before and looks like hell.  If he doesn't get a move-on he'll be late for work at the TV repair shop.

Does Charlie:

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Don't cheat!

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--- LEVEL 2 ---


SCENE 2-A: Charlie takes a shower

Charlie freshens up and heads to Roy Hanson's AAA Fix-It TV and Appliance Repair, where he arrives a half hour late. His boss Roy tells him he looks terrific and his hair smells great... but he's fired.

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SCENE 2-B: Charlie is barely on time for work at the TV repair shop

Charlie dresses himself and rushes to his job at Roy Hanson's AAA Fix-It TV and Appliance Repair.  When he gets there Roy tells him he looks like crap and that he has his pick of  two jobs.

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--- LEVEL 3 ---


SCENE 3-A: Charlie tells his boss off

Roy is shocked by Charlie's display and tells him to "Get the hell out!"  Roy's beautiful daughter Jenny, however, is impressed. She follows Charlie out to the parking lot and asks him if he'd like to go to a party that night.

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SCENE 3-B: Charlie begs for his job back

Roy just laughs at him. Charlie walks out into the street, depressed that he's lost his job.

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SCENE 3-C: Charlie delivers the TV

Charlie groans when he sees how big the TV is: It's one of those huge console models. Roy tells him that if he wants to he can take along his nephew Frankie.

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SCENE 3-D: Charlie goes to pick up the broken VCR

When Charlie gets to the door, an attractive woman greets him. She invites him inside and Charlie discovers that her VCR isn't really broken at all. The woman introduces herself as "Helen" and asks Charlie if he'd like to play a game.

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--- LEVEL 4 ---


SCENE 4-A: Charlie agrees to go to the party

Jenny tells Charlie the party starts at 8pm at the Alfred Blondell Memorial Park.

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SCENE 4-B: Charlie decides not to go to the party

Jenny says, "It's your loss, loser," and walks back into the shop. Charlie wonders if he's made a mistake and is a little depressed about losing his job.

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SCENE 4-C: Charlie goes back home

Walking in the door, Charlie notices someone has left a message on his answering machine. It's a woman named Lisa who claims he was with her the previous night.  She's left a phone number.

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SCENE 4-D: Charlie goes to the used book store

Charlie finds two books that he wants to buy, but he only has enough money for one.

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SCENE 4-E: Charlie goes to deliver the TV with Frankie

When Charlie tells Frankie where they're going, Frankie says, "Hey, I know where that's at!  I live pretty close to there."  He encourages Charlie to take a shortcut.

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SCENE 4-F: Charlie goes to deliver the TV without Frankie

When Charlie pulls up to the house, he goes up to the front door and rings the doorbell.  Nobody answers.

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SCENE 4-G: Charlie plays "Truth or Dare"

Helen fixes Charlie a martini. The two sit down on her couch. She gives him a seductive look and asks, "Well, sweet cheeks, Truth or Dare?"  

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SCENE 4-H: Charlie plays "Strip Poker"

Helen calls Charlie a "naughty boy."  Then she tells him she has a card table in the basement and asks him to bring it up. Charlie agrees happily and walks down the wooden stairs into the dark, gloomy basement. When he gets to foot of the stairs he hears the door slam and lock behind him.

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--- LEVEL 5 ---


SCENE 5-A: Charlie picks up Jenny

When Charlie pulls up Jenny runs out to meet him. She says that her father wouldn't be too happy to know that they were going out together. Then she takes Charlie by the arm and asks him if he'd like to go straight to the party or go for a walk in the cemetery first.

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SCENE 5-B: Charlie meets Jenny at the party

Charlie gets to the party and goes in to look for Jenny. He sees her standing by the beer keg. As he's walking toward her a punch comes out of nowhere and knocks him down.

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SCENE 5-C: Charlie goes to his mother's house

Charlie tells his mother that he's lost his job and is practically broke. Charlie asks her if she'll loan him some money until he gets another job. She refuses but gives him a couple of choices.

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SCENE 5-D: Charlie goes to the record store

When Charlie gets to the record store a crazy-looking old man standing outside the store asks Charlie if he has any change.

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SCENE 5-E: Charlie calls Lisa

Charlie calls the number Lisa left. A man answers, saying, "Big Ray's Exotic Dance Club."

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SCENE 5-F: Charlie erases Lisa's message

Charlie erases the message and decides he's in the mood to see a movie.

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SCENE 5-G: Charlie buys Les Miserables

A woman standing behind Charlie in the checkout line notices he's buying a copy of her favorite book. Her name is Joanie. The two go to a nearby coffee shop, where she asks him what he does for a living.

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SCENE 5-H: Charlie buys Shut up and Eat Your Snowshoes

A woman standing in front of Charlie in the checkout line notices he's buying a copy of her favorite book. Her name is Connie. The two of them go to a nearby coffee shop, where she asks him if he'd like to go with her to Mexico City.

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SCENE 5-I: Charlie and Frankie take the long way

When they arrive, nobody's home. Frankie tells Charlie he should have listened to him. Frankie tells him that he lives nearby and asks if Charlie would like to see his collection of antique medical devices.

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SCENE 5-J: Charlie takes Frankie's shortcut

Charlie and Frankie arrive, just as the TV's owner -- a nervous-looking gentleman -- is getting ready to leave. The two carry the heavy TV console up a flight of stairs into the master bedroom. There's something dusty in the air and Charlie sneezes.

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SCENE 5-K: Charlie goes back to the shop

Charlie gets back to the shop and finds that his boss has gone to lunch. The only one there is the boss's daughter, Jenny. Charlie and Jenny talk for a little bit and then she asks him if he wants to go to a party that night.

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SCENE 5-L: Charlie goes to the diner

Charlie is hungry but knows he should be careful about what he eats.

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SCENE 5-M: Charlie picks "Truth"

Helen giggles and asks Charlie if he prefers brunettes or blondes. Charlie can't help but notice that Helen's hair is blonde.

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SCENE 5-N: Charlie picks "Dare"

Helen giggles and dares Charlie to strip down to his underpants and sing "The Drinking Man's Diet" song.

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SCENE 5-O: Charlie asks what's going on

The only answer Charlie gets is a low moan from behind the water heater. When Charlie investigates he sees a man dressed in a plumber's uniform who's been tied to a water pipe. Charlie pulls out a pair of wire cutters from his back pocket and cuts the man's bonds. The two go to the police and report the woman's deviant behavior.

THE MORAL?  Crazy people are everywhere.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 60.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 5-P: Charlie looks for a way out

Charlie spies a window in the basement just above the washing machine. He scurries out of the basement and climbs into his vehicle and gets away to safety.

THE MORAL?  Crazy people are everywhere.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 55.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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--- LEVEL 6 ---


SCENE 6-A: Charlie and Jenny go straight to the party

Charlie and Jenny have a good time at the party. They hit it off, start seeing each other romantically and one day Jenny tells him she's going to have his child. They get married right away and Charlie goes back to work for Jenny's father at the TV repair shop, where he works for the rest of his life.

THE MORAL?  Sometimes little decisions can shape the course of your life.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 50.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 6-B: Charlie and Jenny go for a walk in the Cemetery

As they're walking along, Jenny tells Charlie that she's always wanted to make out in a graveyard. They find a secluded place and begin kissing. Suddenly Jenny screams. Charlie turns quickly and sees Frankie, his boss's nephew (and Jenny's cousin), standing over them with a gun. Frankie says, "You should have come to see my collection of antique medical devices, bitch!" and aims the gun at Jenny's head.

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SCENE 6-C: Charlie loses consciousness

While Charlie lies on the ground unconscious, thoughts and images flow through his mind.

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SCENE 6-D: Charlie gets up swinging

Charlie gets two good punches in before his opponent smashes him in the jaw. Charlie is knocked unconscious.

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SCENE 6-E: Charlie moves back in with his parents

The years pass and when Charlie looks back on his life it just seems like a series of bad mistakes.  He realizes too late that moving back in with your parents is never the right thing to do.

THE MORAL?  Always try to stand on your own two feet.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 42.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 6-F: Charlie drives his brother's car to Omaha

On the road to Omaha, the car blows a tire. It's miles to the next town and it's starting to get dark. As Charlie is standing there at the side of the road, a black car driven by an old man pulls up. The old man asks Charlie if he'd like a lift.

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SCENE 6-G: Charlie ignores the old man

Charlie enters the record store and looks through the used CD's.  He finds a couple of discs he wants to buy, but unfortunately he only has enough money for one.

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SCENE 6-H: Charlie gives the old man a dollar

The old man thanks Charlie and tells him that he's really a magic genie with the power to grant Charlie's greatest wish.

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SCENE 6-I: Charlie asks to speak to Lisa

Lisa comes on the phone and Charlie vaguely remembers meeting her the night before. She tells him she'd really like to see him again and they agree to meet that evening.

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SCENE 6-J: Charlie hangs up the phone

Charlie wonders briefly if he's made a mistake, but then his mind turns toward how he's going to spend the rest of the day.

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SCENE 6-K: Charlie goes to the video store

Charlie isn't sure if he's in the mood for a good movie or one that doesn't require much thought.

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SCENE 6-L: Charlie goes to the movie theater

Charlie buys a ticket for an action adventure movie. He's somewhat hungry and decides to get something at the concession stand.

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SCENE 6-M: Charlie tells Joanie he's been fired

Joanie tells Charlie she hopes he enjoys his book and makes a quick exit. Charlie is left alone wondering what he did wrong and what he's going to do next.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 6-N: Charlie tells Joanie he's an actor

Joanie tells Charlie she's directing a community theater version of Les Miserables. Charlie plays the lead magnificently.  After the play closes, they move to Hollywood and pursue separate but equally successful careers. They never marry, but raise a lovely family together and each achieves a high level of fame and power.

THE MORAL?  Sometimes a little bullshit is the best medicine.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 98.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 6-O: Charlie and Connie go to Mexico

Charlie and Connie have a wonderful time in Mexico City. Unfortunately their happiness is suddenly interrupted when Connie's estranged husband Renaldo appears one day. He kidnaps the two of them and takes them deep into the desert where he shoots them both.

THE MORAL?  When running away to Mexico with a strange woman, inquire about her past.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 25.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 6-P: Charlie slips out the back door

Standing in the alleyway is a dwarf. He looks at Charlie curiously and asks, "Are you Famous Fred?"

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SCENE 6-Q: Charlie and Frankie go to the diner

Charlie and Frankie sit down in a booth and order their lunch. Charlie needs to go to the bathroom.

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SCENE 6-R: Frankie shows Charlie his collection of antique medical devices

When they get to Frankie's house, Charlie is led into the back bedroom, where a wide variety of antique medical devices are on display. Charlie is quite impressed by the collection and tells Frankie so. The two discover they have a lot in common and become best friends. Five years later, after Frankie is killed in a car accident, Charlie learns that Frankie has willed his valuable collection -- worth over $50,000 -- to his best pal.

THE MORAL? It often pays to be polite and show interest in other people's hobbies.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 88.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 6-S: Charlie wipes his nose on his sleeve

Frankie gives Charlie a look of disgust and says, "You should have just asked. I always carry a handkerchief with me. Hey! After we're done here, how'd you like to see my collection of antique medical devices?"

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SCENE 6-T: Charlie looks for a facial tissue

Charlie goes into the master bathroom to try to find something to wipe his nose with. There isn't a box of facial tissue anywhere to be seen, so he uses toilet paper. He notices the shower curtain has been drawn closed.

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SCENE 6-U: Charlie orders the Cheeseburger, fries, and strawberry shake

It turns out to be the best meal Charlie has ever had, and also his last, as he keels over unexpectedly from a heart attack.  At least he dies happy and full.

THE MORAL? Life is short.  Have a salad.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 38.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 6-V: Charlie orders a salad

Charlie decides a light meal would probably be best. The only question remaining is what type of salad dressing to order.

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SCENE 6-W: Charlie says he prefers blondes

Helen whips off her wig and tells Charlie he made the wrong choice.

THE MORAL? Some women take their hair color very seriously!

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 43.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 6-X: Charlie says he prefers brunettes

Helen whips off her wig and tells Charlie he made the right choice.  She then grabs him by the hand and leads him into the bedroom for an afternoon of mind-expanding, physically exhausting sex.

THE MORAL? Some women take their hair color very seriously!

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 100.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 6-Y: Charlie pretends he doesn't know the words to "The Drinking Man's Diet" song

Helen tells Charlie that he's no fun and she kicks him out the door.

THE MORAL? It's best not to take yourself too seriously.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 53.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 6-Z: Charlie strips and sings "The Drinking Man's Diet" song

Charlie gives a magnificent performance. When he finishes he hears applause coming from behind a curtain. It turns out that Helen's husband is the host of America's Funniest Hidden Cameras. Charlie is terribly embarrassed, but gets over it when the video wins first prize, $10,000 cash!

THE MORAL?  Embarassing yourself can be fun -- and profitable!

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 81.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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--- LEVEL 7 ---


SCENE 7-A: Charlie tries to knock the gun out of Frankie's hand

Frankie fires the gun and shoots Charlie instead of Jenny.

THE MORAL? Don't fool around in a grave yard.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 18.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 7-B: Charlie tries to reason with Frankie

Frankie listens to what Charlie has to say and then says, "You know, Charlie, you've made several excellent points. There's only one flaw in your logic -- I'm completely insane." He then shoots Jenny and Charlie and buries them -- together for all eternity -- in an unmarked grave. 

THE MORAL? It really doesn't pay to try to reason with crazy people.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 23.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 7-C: Charlie dreams

When Charlie awakens, Jenny is standing over him. "Who hit me?" he asks. She tells him it was her old boyfriend, Brad.  He'd gotten angry when she told him she was going with Charlie.

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SCENE 7-D: Charlie dreams

When Charlie comes to, the party has broken up and Jenny is nowhere to be found. "Who hit me?" he asks. Nobody seems to know.

THE MORAL?  Be prepared at all times.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 55.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 7-E: Charlie buys Spike

The man working at the counter looks at Charlie's selection and says, "Good choice, dude." He gives Charlie a complimentary ticket to see a new band that evening at the "Lost Horizon" lounge.  When Charlie arrives that night he sees a woman sitting at the bar who looks familiar. He remembers her name is Lisa and he met her the night before.  After a few drinks, Lisa asks Charlie if he'd like to go for a ride in the country.

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SCENE 7-F: Charlie buys A Love Supreme

The man working at the counter looks at Charlie's selection and says, "Good choice, dude." He gives Charlie a complimentary ticket to see a new band that evening at the "Lost Horizon" lounge.  When Charlie arrives that night he sees a woman sitting at the bar by herself.  He sits down next to her and she introduces herself as Helen and starts flirting. After a half hour of sexual double entendres, she asks him if he wants to see the band or go back to her place for "fun and games."

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SCENE 7-G: Charlie asks for world peace

The old man laughs and says, "Yeah, sure.  Everybody always asks for that.  Too bad, I'm all out of world peace!" Then he takes out a gun and shoots Charlie in the head.

THE MORAL? Try to be happy with what you have instead of asking for the impossible.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 19.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 7-H: Charlie asks for super strength

The old man grants his wish. Suddenly Charlie's muscles become huge and his shirt and pants burst at the seams. Charlie realizes he's exposing himself so he runs into an alley to figure out what to do.

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SCENE 7-I: Charlie goes to Big Ray's to pick up Lisa

When Charlie arrives the doorman tells him Lisa's not through with her set for another half hour and that he should take a seat at the bar. Charlie steps over to the bar and orders a whiskey sour. He watches the women -- including Lisa -- as they dance seductively. A strange man sitting next says, "Hey, buddy! What gorgeous broads, huh?  What time ya got?"

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SCENE 7-J: Charlie meets Lisa at The "Lost Horizon" Lounge

Charlie waits at the bar for forty-five minutes before Lisa finally shows up. When she arrives, she gives him a wet, passionate kiss and apologizes for being so late. They have a few drinks and a few laughs. After awhile, Lisa asks Charlie if he wants to go for a drive in the country.

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SCENE 7-K: Charlie rents Die Hard III

The woman at the counter sneers when she sees Charlie's choice. Charlie goes back to his place and begins watching the tape. A few minutes into the movie the film stops suddenly. When Charlie goes to check it out he realizes his VCR has destroyed the tape.

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SCENE 7-L: Charlie rents The Big Sleep

The woman at the counter is impressed by Charlie's choice. She asks Charlie if he wants to come over to her place later and watch the movie with her. The two really hit it off. They end up falling in love with each other and get married.

THE MORAL? Classic movies really are the best.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 90.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 7-M: Charlie buys a medium popcorn

The popcorn tastes a little funny, but Charlie doesn't think too much about it. As he's leaving the theater he realizes he's still a little hungry.

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SCENE 7-N: Charlie buys a large popcorn

There's something wrong with the butter on the large popcorn. Charlie develops severe stomach cramps half-way through the film. He ends up bed-ridden for the next several days.

THE MORAL?  Avoid overeating.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 46.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 7-O: Charlie gets in the old man's car

The old man tells Charlie that he is in fact Charlie at age 65 and that he's come from the future to warn Charlie about a great danger.

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SCENE 7-P: Charlie waits for the highway patrol

After waiting for an hour, a highway patrol car pulls up and gives Charlie a ride to the next exit.  Charlie goes to "Leo's Full Service Garage" to get a new tire.  Leo's attractive teenage daughter Shirley tells him that Leo is on his lunch break. When Charlie tells her he's going to Omaha, Shirley asks if  she can go with him.

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SCENE 7-Q: Charlie looks in the shower

Charlie is shocked to see how disgusting some people allow their bathtubs to become. From the looks of the drain, this guy must have a real problem with hair loss.

THE MORAL?  When you're in someone else's house it's not polite to snoop.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 59.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 7-R: Charlie minds his own business

As Charlie tosses his wad of toilet paper into the wastebasket, he notices what appears to be a human hand! He rushes back into the bedroom to tell Frankie, but he's too late. The owner of the console TV blocks Charlie's way, holding a bloody axe in one hand and Frankie's severed head in the other.

THE MORAL?  Homocidal maniacs are everywhere!

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 27.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 7-S: Charlie tells Frankie he's not interested in his collection

Frankie is very disappointed by Charlie's lack of interest in what he considers to be a very unique and unusual hobby.  The following day he puts arsenic in Charlie's coffee, but his uncle Roy accidentally drinks it instead.  As a result, Charlie finds himself feeling more than a little guilty... and out of a job.

THE MORAL?  It pays to be polite and feign interest in the hobbies of others.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 40.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 7-T: Charlie tells the dwarf he's not Famous Fred

The dwarf says, "Oh, so you're Charlie, huh? I've heard a lot about you." The dwarf then hands Charlie a small device. On the device is a knob with two settings on it. One setting is labeled "Hell." The other is labeled "High water."

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SCENE 7-U: Charlie tells the dwarf he's Famous Fred

The dwarf says, "Great! I've found you at last!" He aims a strange device at Charlie and Charlie is transported to the opposite end of the galaxy. He finds himself standing in what appears to be an alien courtroom before what appears to be a giant alien judge. The judge -- in a big booming voice -- welcomes "Famous Fred" and asks him how he pleads.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 7-V: Charlie orders "Thousand Island" salad dressing

The "thousand island" dressing is so good that Charlie asks the waitress what brand it is. She tells him it's "Enchanted Farm" brand.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 7-W: Charlie orders "Lite Italian" salad dressing

Oh no! The salad dressing has been poisoned! Charlie dies a terrible choking death.

THE MORAL?  Death can frequently be found in the most innocuous places.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 10.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 7-X: Charlie goes to the bathroom

As Charlie walks into the bathroom, a short shifty-eyed man leaves. He gives Charlie an odd look.

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SCENE 7-Y: Charlie holds it

After a few minutes a loud explosion from the bathroom rocks the diner. Charlie and Frankie scramble out the front door. "Boy, that was close," says Frankie. Charlie says, "Yeah, we could've been killed!"

THE MORAL?  Sometimes we get lucky and narrowly skirt death.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 64.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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--- LEVEL 8 ---


SCENE 8-A: Charlie stays to see the band

The band sucks.

THE MORAL?  Sometimes the band sucks.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 62.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 8-B: Charlie goes back to Helen's house

When they get to Helen's house, she asks Charlie what kind of game he's like to play.

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SCENE 8-C: Charlie looks in the garbage cans

"Super Charlie" discovers a beautiful suit of clothes that's just his size. He quickly changes into the fashionable suit. As he steps back out into the street, Galaxy Man and Pigeon Woman -- two members of "The Secret Society of Super Heroes" -- fly down and ask Charlie if he wants to join their ranks.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 8-D: Charlie slips in the back door of "Manny's Men's Wear"

Charlie finds himself in a hallway but can see into the main store.  He sees that Manny is being robbed at gunpoint.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 8-E: Charlie tells the stranger what time it is

Charlie tells the stranger it's "8:23."  The stranger thanks him and leaves the club.  Lisa appears, wearing street clothes and sits down next to Charlie.  After a few drinks, Lisa asks Charlie if he'd like to go back to her place and "get naked."

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 8-F: Charlie ignores the stranger

The stranger gets angry and asks Charlie if he has some kind of problem.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 8-G: Charlie takes his VCR to the shop

Charlie puts the VCR under his arm and walks off in the direction of the shop.  Charlie is crossing a street when a crazy-looking old man driving a big black car accidentally runs him over.

THE MORAL?  Sometimes death is only a broken VCR away.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 30.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 8-H: Charlie takes a nap

Charlie's mind wanders in a multitude of directions, a reflection of his odd and eclectic interests.

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SCENE 8-I: Charlie punches Brad

Unfortunately, the (somewhat weak) punch only makes Brad angrier.  Charlie receives a terrible beating, putting him in the hospital for several weeks.  "If only I had super strength this wouldn't have happened," Charlie thinks.

THE MORAL?  We all wish occasionally we had super strength.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 41.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 8-J: Charlie and Jenny go back to his apartment

Charlie and Jenny sit on the couch and split a six-pack.  Charlie wonders if he should make his move.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 8-K: Charlie and Lisa go for a ride in the country

When they get to a secluded place in the woods, Charlie and Lisa start making out.  Lisa pulls out a pair of handcuffs and asks him if he minds putting them on.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 8-L: Charlie enters the first stall

Charlie is shocked to discover that someone has left a bomb propped on the toilet seat. An electronic read-out shows Charlie that the bomb has only a few seconds left before it blows. Charlie whips his wire cutter out from his back pocket.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 8-M: Charlie enters the second stall

Charlie experiences the most satisfying bowel movement of his adult life. Unfortunately, he will never experience another one as a bomb that has been left in the first stall goes off. Charlie's brains become one with the cosmos.

THE MORAL?  Eat plenty of fiber.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 37.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 8-N: Charlie goes to the grocery store

Charlie tries to find the salad dressing but doesn't seem to be able to.  Finally he asks an old man working at the store if they have any "Enchanted Farm" brand Thousand Island dressing.  The old man gives him a strange look and says, "Son, they haven't made that kind of salad dressing in twenty years."

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 8-O: Charlie tries to deliver the console TV again

The owner still isn't home and Charlie is getting hungry.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 8-P: Charlie picks "Hell"

Charlie's eyes are filled by a brilliant and colorful flash.  When the visual pyrotechnics clear, he finds himself standing at the edge of a chasm.  The voices of the damned scream all around him.  His last thought, before he succumbs to the incredible heat and lack of oxygen is, "Gee, maybe I should have chosen 'high water.'"

THE MORAL?  Hell sucks.  Live a good life.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 5.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 8-Q: Charlie picks "High Water"

Charlie's eyes are filled by a brilliant and colorful flash.  When the visual pyrotechnics clear, he finds himself treading water in the middle of the Pacific ocean.  Eventually his arms and legs tire and he sinks below the surface.  His last thought, before the water fills his lungs and he drowns is, "Gee, maybe I should have chosen 'hell.'"

THE MORAL?  Some choices in life are more important than others.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 5.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 8-R: Charlie pleads "guilty"

The giant alien judge looks at Charlie and says, "I thought so. You certainly look guilty to me!" He orders the bailiff to take Charlie away.  When he arrives at his cell, he notices the door isn't locked.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 8-S: Charlie pleads "not guilty"

The giant alien judge looks at Charlie and says, "That's funny, you certainly looked guilty to me!" He orders the bailiff to release Charlie. Charlie is led outside the court house. He's startled by the fantastic alien landscape. A row of what Charlie assumes are taxi-cabs wait outside.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 8-T: Charlie goes to The Burger Zone

Charlie orders a "Giant burger #2" with tater tots and a large chocolate shake. He sits down at a booth. As he's eating his meal he notices a young, attractive woman come in and sit in a booth near him. Charlie hears a loud sob coming from her direction and he realizes she's crying.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 8-U: Charlie goes to Taco Planet

Charlie orders a "Super Taco" with everything on it and a large limeade. After he finishes his meal he realizes he needs to use the bathroom.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 8-V: Charlie humors the old man

Charlie lets the old man talk and talk, but he doesn't really pay any attention to what he says.  The old man hands Charlie a strange device.  One button is labeled "Super Strength" and the other is labeled "Wild Sex."

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 8-W: Charlie listens to the old man 

The old man tells Charlie that he has a couple of interesting possibilities in his life and that he's going to give him a couple of hints.  The first hint is that "Super strength can be his at the cost of a dollar and a trip into the alley, but he must be sure to go with Pigeon Woman."  The second hint is that wild sex awaits if he's ever truthful and is a man who appreciates dark hair.  The old man hands Charlie a strange device.  One button is labeled "Super Strength" and the other is labeled "Wild Sex."

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 8-X: Charlie agrees to take Shirley with him to Omaha

On the road to Omaha, Shirley and Charlie discover they have a lot in common.  Charlie begins to fall in love with Shirley.  When the two get to his brother's apartment, Shirley and Charlie's brother immediately hit it off.  Eventually they fall in love and get married, breaking Charlie's heart.

THE MORAL?  Life can be funny sometimes.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 44.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 8-Y: Charlie tells Shirley she can't come with him

Shirley is disappointed but tells Charlie she understands.  After awhile her father comes back and he and Charlie drive out to his car with a new tire.  After the car is repaired, Charlie drives to Omaha.  His brother tells Charlie he has a great idea for a new high-tech company specializing in "Internet Popcorn."  He and Charlie become business partners.  Unfortunately neither of them have much in the way of business sense and the company goes bankrupt in less than two years.

THE MORAL?  It's really best not to go into business unless you're sure you know what you're doing.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 48.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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--- LEVEL 9 ---


SCENE 9-A: Charlie cuts the red wire

Charlie's quick thinking saves everyone. The bomb is defused and his heroism is praised by the press. He becomes a local celebrity as "the man who was in the right toilet stall at the right time."

THE MORAL?  Some people become local celebrities for the strangest reasons.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 89.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 9-B: Charlie cuts the purple wire

"I guess I picked the wrong one." This is the last thought to pass through Charlie's mind as he watches the LED read-out count down to: 00:00.00.

THE MORAL?  You may die at any time.  Don't waste what little time you have.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 20.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 9-C: Charlie waits until he gets home

When Charlie gets home he goes into the bathroom and relieves himself.  Then he realizes he's very, very tired.  Yawning, he lies down on his couch and falls into a deep sleep almost immediately.

THE MORAL?  When in doubt, take a nap.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 60.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 9-D: Charlie asks the crying woman what's wrong

The crying woman tells Charlie she's very sad because she's lost her magic ring.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 9-E: Charlie ignores the crying woman

As Charlie continues to eat, the woman's sobs attract more attention.  A fat bearded man sits down beside her.  Charlie can't see what they're saying but is amazed when they both vanish in a puff of blue smoke.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 9-F: Charlie climbs into the first cab

The cab driver says, "Where to, buddy?"

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 9-G: Charlie climbs into the second cab

The cab driver says, "Where to, buddy?"

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 9-H: Charlie joins the SSSH

Pigeon Woman says, "Gosh! It's a good thing you decided to join. Otherwise I would have had to shoot you or something!" Everybody laughs at the joke. Galaxy Man hands Charlie his SSSH flying belt, which goes nicely with Charlie's Armani suit. Charlie is asked if he wants to with Galaxy Man or Pigeon Woman.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 9-I: Charlie turns down the SSSH

Pigeon Woman and Galaxy Man exchange glances. Then Pigeon Woman shrugs, takes out her .45 caliber "pigeon gun" and shoots "Super Charlie" in the head.

THE MORAL?  Some people just aren't "joiners."

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 23.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 9-J: Charlie dreams about Henry Kissinger

In Charlie's dream, he finds himself standing in the oval office of the white house with Richard Nixon.  He realizes he's playing the role of Secretary of State Henry Kissinger.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 9-K: Charlie dreams about Abbott and Costello

In Charlie's dream, he finds himself playing the part of Lou Costello.  Bud Abbott says, "Who's on first, What's on second, I dunno's on third base."

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 9-L: Charlie kisses Jenny

Unfortunately, Charlie's had a beer too many and when he kisses Jenny he accidentally belches loudly in her face.  Jenny calls him a disgusting pig and leaves.

THE MORAL?  Be careful not to belch when you're kissing a woman, especially on a first date.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 54.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 9-M: Charlie sings "The Drinking Man's Diet" song

Jenny is impressed by Charlie's singing ability and sense of humor.  When Charlie belches in the middle of the song, Jenny laughs.  She and Charlie spend the night together, but the next morning she's strangely cold and aloof.  Charlie never hears from her again.

THE MORAL?  Everybody likes the "Drinking Man's Diet" song!

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 64.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 9-N: Charlie stays in his cell, awaiting his fate.

After an hour or so a short man wearing a red bow tie enters the cell and asks Charlie to follow him.  The two descend several flights of stairs and walk to a metal door.  The short man politely asks him to step inside, which Charlie does.  The door closes behind him and Charlie hears the low hum of an electric motor.  Looking up, he sees the ceiling slide back, revealing hundreds of rotating knives.  The knives descend quickly, slicing Charlie to ribbons.

THE MORAL?  If you're convicted of a crime you didn't commit and you're given an opportunity to escape, take it, stupid.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 3.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 9-P: Charlie allows Lisa to handcuff him

Lisa likes the fact that Charlie has a playful side.  Charlie learns that being handcuffed can be a lot of fun.

THE MORAL?  It's good to be open minded when it comes to sex.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 100.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 9-Q: Charlie tells Lisa he's not into S&M

Lisa tells Charlie that he's no fun and asks him to drive her home.

THE MORAL?  It's good to be open minded when it comes to sex.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 72.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 9-R: Charlie tells the old man he must be crazy

The old man laughs and says, "Could be.  Or maybe it's you who's crazy."  After leaving the store, a strange woman wearing a black coat comes up to Charlie in the parking lot and tells him she overheard him ask about "Enchanted Farm" brand salad dressing.  She tells Charlie that if he comes with her she'll get him some.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 9-S: Charlie thanks the old man and leaves

After leaving the store, a strange woman wearing a black coat comes up to Charlie in the parking lot and tells him she overheard him ask about "Enchanted Farm" brand salad dressing.  She tells Charlie that if he comes with her she'll get him some.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 9-T: Charlie tries to sneak away

Security is especially lax and Charlie manages to escape.  Outside the courthouse, he's startled by the fantastic alien landscape. A row of what Charlie assumes are taxi-cabs wait outside.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 9-U: Charlie interrupts the robbery

"Super Charlie" steps proudly into the store and says, "What's going on here?"  The man with the gun is so startled by Charlie's naked muscular body that he panics and runs out the door.  Manny thanks Charlie and gives him a top-of-the-line Armani suit.  As he steps back out into the street, Galaxy Man and Pigeon Woman -- two members of "The Secret Society of Super Heroes" -- fly down and ask Charlie if he wants to join their ranks.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 9-V: Charlie ignores the robbery and looks for some clothes

"Super Charlie" steps into a storeroom.  Unused to his larger body, he accidentally knocks over a stack of boxes.  He hears a gunshot from the front of the store and when he rushes out to see what's happened, he sees Manny lying in a pool of blood.  Grief-stricken, Charlie realizes he's made a terrible mistake that has cost an innocent man his life.

THE MORAL?  With super powers comes super responsibility.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 45.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 9-W: Charlie and Lisa go back to her place

Lisa pours two glasses of wine.  They sit on the couch and make out.  After awhile, Lisa reaches underneath the couch and pulls out a pair of handcuffs.  She asks Charlie if he minds putting them on.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 9-X: Charlie and Lisa go back to her place

Lisa pours two glasses of wine.  She and Charlie sit on the couch and make out.  After awhile, Lisa reaches underneath the couch and pulls out a pair of Groucho Marx glasses.  She asks Charlie if he minds putting them on.

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SCENE 9-Y: Charlie tells the stranger at the bar to go to hell

The stranger says, "Hell?  What do you know of hell?"  Too late, Charlie tries to apologize, but the stranger won't hear of it.  The stranger then hands charlie a device with two buttons on it, one labeled "Hell" and the other labeled "High water."  The stranger then tells Charlie to push one of the buttons.

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SCENE 9-Z: Charlie apologizes to the stranger at the bar

The stranger says, "Well, I guess I'll accept your apology, asshole."  He gets up and leaves.  Charlie orders another drink, wondering if Lisa is ever going to get done working.  He looks over to where the stranger had been sitting and notices a ring with a glowing blue stone.

Does Charlie:

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--- LEVEL 10 ---


SCENE 10-A: Charlie asks the taxi driver to take him to Earth

The taxi driver says, "Are you crazy! There's no way I'm going to that dump again." He kicks Charlie out of his cab. Charlie tries for months to find a taxicab to take him to Earth, but finally gives up in desparation. He lives out the rest of his life on a strange planet as a servant to a wealthy dung trader.

THE MORAL?  Sometimes taxi drivers won't take you where you want to go.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 40.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 10-B: Charlie asks the taxi driver to take him to a restaurant

The taxi driver says, "Okay, I know just the place." He takes Charlie to what appears to be an outer-space version of a greasy spoon diner. When Charlie enters he's astonished to discover Frankie, his boss's nephew, sitting at a booth.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 10-C: Charlie asks the taxi driver to take him to Earth

The taxi driver says, "Well, all right, although I don't know why you'd want to go there!" The taxi driver hits a button on the dashboard, engaging the hyperwarp drive. Moments later, Charlie discovers they're flying over Amsterdam, The Netherlands.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 10-D: Charlie asks the taxi driver to take him to a restaurant

The cab driver lets Charlie off in front of what appears to be a very expensive restaurant. When Charlie tries to go inside a large alien bouncer asks him if he has any money.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 10-E: Charlie Goes with Galaxy Man

On the way to "The Hall of Honor," the headquarters of the SSSH, Super Charlie and Galaxy Man encounter "Mister Destruction," one Galaxy Man's greatest foes.  Mister Destruction aims his destructo-ray at Galaxy Man's chest.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 10-F: Charlie Goes with Pigeon Woman

Galaxy Man flies off and Pigeon Woman takes Super Charlie's arm.  She looks into Charlie's eyes and says, "I thought that jerk would never leave.  Now we're alone at last... sweet cheeks!  What do you want to do now?"

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 10-G: Charlie goes with the woman with the black coat

The two get into her car, a red convertable.  As they drive along, the woman tells Charlie her name is Patricia and she's a member of the Society for the Preservation of the Enchanted Farm.  She asks Charlie if he's a member.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 10-H: Charlie goes with the woman with the black coat

The two get into her car, a green convertable.  As they drive along, the woman tells Charlie her name is Georgia and she's a member of the Secret Enchanted Farm Club.  She asks Charlie if he's a member.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 10-I: Charlie goes over to where the couple was sitting

Charlie sees the woman has left her sweater.  When he picks it up, a ring with a glowing blue stone falls out of the pocket.

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SCENE 10-J: Charlie leaves The Burger Zone

Stepping outside, Charlie realizes he could go just about anywhere at this point.

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SCENE 10-K: Charlie (as Henry Kissinger) recommends bombing Cambodia

Charlie's dream becomes a nightmare.  He awakes in a cold sweat.

THE MORAL?  With great power comes great responsibility.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 41.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 10-L: Charlie (as Henry Kissinger) resigns

After resigning, Doctor Kissinger (Charlie) goes on to a career as a highly-respected history professor at Harvard University.

THE MORAL?  Even in dreams, decisions should be considered very carefully.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 85.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 10-M: Charlie (as Lou Costello) says, "What the hell are you talking about?"

The director yells, "Cut!"  Bud Abbott asks Charlie if there's anything wrong.  Charlie says he's not feeling well, that it was probably something he ate.  Charlie wakes up with a terrible stomach ache.

THE MORAL?  Be careful about what you eat before you go to sleep.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 57.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 10-N: Charlie (as Lou Costello) says, "Huh?"

Bud Abbot slaps Charlie across the face and tells him he doesn't want to work with him anymore.  Charlie feels terrible about being responsible for breaking up one of the greatest comedy teams of all time.

THE MORAL?  If you don't know who's on first, just play along.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 57.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 10-O: Charlie offers to help the crying woman find her magic ring

The crying woman thanks Charlie.  She takes out a large blue ostrich feather and waves in the air it three times.  The two are transported to an alien world.  Charlie sees they are standing at the entrance of a large cave.  The woman -- no longer crying -- tells Charlie she thinks she lost her magic ring somewhere inside the cave.

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SCENE 10-P: Charlie tells the crying woman she's nuts

The crying woman sobs even louder.  Two men wearing white uniforms arrive and tell Charlie they're taking her away to the state sanitarium.  Charlie feels a vague sense of guilt, but another strawberry milkshake makes all the guilt go away.

THE MORAL?  Boy, The Burger Zone sure is a weirdo magnet, huh?

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 64.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 10-Q: Charlie puts on the Groucho glasses

Lisa says, "Boy, some guys will do anything you ask them to, won't they?" and asks Charlie to leave.

THE MORAL?  You should never sacrifice your dignity.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 58.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 10-R: Charlie says, "No thanks" to the Groucho glasses

Lisa says, "Boy, you really aren't any fun, are you?" and asks Charlie to leave.

THE MORAL?  Don't be so afraid of making a fool of yourself.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 58.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 10-S: Charlie puts the ring in his pocket

Charlie feels a strange tingling sensation in his leg.  He removes the ring and examines it more closely.  A weird face appears in the glowing stone.  The face -- that of an old woman -- begins to talk.  It says, "Hiya, Charlie.  How's tricks?"

Does Charlie:

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-- SCENE 11 --


SCENE 11-A: Charlie tells the taxi driver to take him home

When the taxi driver gets to Charlie's place, he says, "Okay, buddy, that'll be 572 gar-fronks."

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 11-B: Charlie tells the taxi driver to drop him off in Amsterdam

The taxi driver says, "Suit yourself" and drops Charlie off in front of a youth hostel near the Rembrandt museum. Charlie falls in with a group of street performers and happily leaves his past behind.

THE MORAL?  You really should try to visit Amsterdam sometime in your life!

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 85.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 11-C: Charlie admits he doesn't have any money

The bouncer says, "Well, that's really too bad. I feel pretty sorry for you, really I do. But I've got my orders." Then he beheads Charlie with a heavy golden sword.

THE MORAL?  Everybody's got a job to do.  Don't take it too personally.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 26.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 11-D: Charlie pretends he's a wealthy traveler

The bouncer says, "Yeah, right. And I'm the Snar Royale of Kipple-Ding." Then he beheads Charlie with a heavy golden sword.

THE MORAL?  Everybody's got a job to do.  Don't take it too personally.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 22.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 11-E: Charlie sits down with Frankie

Frankie is astonished to see Charlie.  "Wow!" he says, "You're the last person I expected to see here!"  He then asks Charlie if he remembers the cantina scene from Star Wars.  When Charlie nods, Frankie shoots him in the crotch with a laser pistol he has hidden under the table.

THE MORAL?  When traveling, sometimes you see people you don't expect to see.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 20.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 11-F: Charlie ignores Frankie

After Charlie orders his meal, Frankie sees him and comes over. "Are you trying to avoid me?" Frankie asks. "You dumb bastard. You'll see my collection of antique medical devices... in hell!" Frankie then shoots Charlie with a laser pistol.

THE MORAL?  Sometimes you just can't avoid trouble.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 14.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 11-G: Charlie tells Patricia he's a member of SPEF

Patricia says, "I thought so.  You know, there aren't too many of us left now."  She drives to the edge of town and then takes a gravel road leading south.  After awhile they get to a nondescript farm and she pulls to a stop in front of a large blue barn.  She leads him inside where a group of very tired-looking people are sitting around a table.  On the table is a map.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 11-H: Charlie tells Patricia he's never heard of SPEF

Patricia says, "Well, that's really too bad."  She drives to a farm south of town and leads Charlie into a large blue barn.  A group of people are seated around a table looking at a map.  She then yells, "Soup's on!"  The group rushes at Charlie and rips his body apart with their razor sharp teeth.

THE MORAL?  Cannibals are everywhere.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 2.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 11-I: Charlie puts on the ring

Charlie is transported to a mystical landscape.  The grass is a shade of green Charlie's never seen before and five suns of varying colors hang in the sky.   A band of colorfully-garbed musicians wander by, singing "The Drinking Man's Diet" song.  Charlie joins the merry band, singing happily.

THE MORAL?  "The Drinking Man's Diet" song is everywhere.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 92.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 11-J: Charlie puts the ring in his pocket

The next day Charlie looks for the ring but realizes it's fallen through a hole in his pocket.

THE MORAL?  A stitch in time saves nine.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 70.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 11-K: Charlie throws himself in front of Galaxy Man

The blast leaves a large gaping hole in the center of  Super Charlie's chest.  He discovers all too late that having super strength doesn't necessarily mean one is invulnerable.

THE MORAL?  Always be sure to check the limits of your super powers before leaping into action.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 24.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 11-L: Charlie tells the ring things are fine.

The ring says, "Oh.  Then you don't really need my help then, do you?" and vanishes in a flash of blue light.

THE MORAL?  Talking rings are pretty tricky creatures.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 70.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 11-M: Charlie tells Pigeon Woman he wants to go fight some criminals

Pigeon woman sighs and says, "All right.  Do you want to go fight Captain Dynamite or the Legion of Obese Super Villians?"

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 11-N: Charlie stands back and waits to see what happens

Galaxy Man takes the blast full in his chest and laughs.  Charlie punches Mister Destruction in the jaw, knocking him out.  "Great work!" Galaxy Man says, congratulating Charlie on his first official super act.  The two go on to become great pals.

THE MORAL?  Super strength can really be a lot of fun!

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 84.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 11-O: Charlie tells the ring things aren't so great.

The ring says, "Gee, that's too bad.  Here, maybe this will help."  A large flask of a blue liquid appears on the table.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 11-P: Charlie asks Pigeon Woman if she wants to go back to her place

Pigeon Woman giggles like a schoolgirl and agrees.  The two fly back to her secret base of operations, a pigeon coop atop the tallest building in town.  Charlie is disgusted by the stench from the huge piles of pigeon and human feces, but he gets over it.  Pigeon Woman shows him how to make love "birdy style," and the two copulate madly.  Their lovemaking is interrupted, however, by the news crew aboard the Channel 7 "Eye in the Sky" helicopter.  The video footage makes the evening news very interesting and wins the station very high ratings.

THE MORAL?  Beware of getting caught with your pants down in the pigeon coop!

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 90.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 11-Q: Charlie tells Georgia he's a member of SEFC

Georgia says, "I was afraid of that."  She takes Charlie to a warehouse at the edge of town.  Inside the warehouse are large cardboard boxes labeled, "Enchanted Farm Salad Dressing."  Georgia tells Charlie the salad dressing costs $100 a bottle.  When Charlie tells her that he doesn't have that much money, she says, "Oh, great.  You should have told me that before I showed you where the warehouse was.  Now I have to kill you."  She then pulls a large machete from underneath her black coat and cuts off Charlie's head.

THE MORAL?  If you want to buy the salad dressing, you'd better have the green.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 17.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 11-R: Charlie tells Georgia he's never heard of SEFC

Georgia says, "Yeah, not too many people have."  She drives to the edge of town and then takes a rural highway north.  After awhile they get to a farm and pull up in front of a large green barn.  Georgia takes Charlie inside, where a group of nude women are sitting around a table playing a board game.  Georgia introduces Charlie to Helen and Lisa (who both look kind of familiar).  They ask Charlie if he'd like to join their club.

Does Charlie:

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SCENE 11-S: Charlie asks to go back to the Burger Zone

The crying woman says, "You must be a real coward.  I thought you were going to be different from all the rest."  She takes out her ostrich feather again and tickles his nose with it, making Charlie sneeze and -- unexpectedly for Charlie -- causing his head to explode.

THE MORAL?  Don't be such a wimp.  Show some backbone occasionally.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 7.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 11-T: Charlie enters the cave

The cave is very dark, with lots of twists and turns.  Eventually, Charlie comes upon two tunnels.

Does Charlie:

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--- LEVEL 12 ---


SCENE 12-A: Charlie offers the taxi driver his watch.

The taxi driver says, "What the hell am I going to do with a watch based on Earth time?  All right, you're out of here."  The driver then hits the "passenger eject" button on the dashboard and Charlie finds himself free-falling toward the earth.

THE MORAL?  If you don't have the money to pay the fare, don't try taking the cab.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 5.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 12-B: Charlie says, "You better believe it!"

Charlie is welcomed with open arms.  He passes the next several days eating "enchanted" salads and having sex with a variety of beautiful women.

THE MORAL?  It pays to eat salad!

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 99.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 12-C: Charlie says, "Where do I sign?"

Charlie is welcomed with open arms.  He passes the next several days eating "enchanted" salads and having sex with a variety of beautiful women.  After a month or so, however, he comes to realizes there must be more to life than just food and sex.  He leaves the farm and pursues his true passion: international politics.

THE MORAL?  Salad and sex are fine, but spiritual enlightenment is just around the corner!

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 100.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 12-D: Charlie says, "What's the deal with the map?"

Charlie never learns what the map is for.  Charlie's vision goes momentarily blurry and when it becomes sharp again he is able to see the group in their true forms: They are a race of alien rat monsters with long yellow teeth.  Charlie is immobilized by fear and is unable to defend himself against their horrifying attack.

THE MORAL?  Giant rat-creatures like salad dressing too!

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 4.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 12-E: Charlie says, "Where's the salad dressing?"

Patricia just sighs and points to a stack of boxes in the corner.  "How much are these, anyway?" Charlie asks.  A strange rat-like man at the table shouts, "Just take a damn box and go!"  Charlie does as he's told, happy to have enough free salad dressing to last a decade.

THE MORAL?  Don't be too nosey.  Just be happy with what you have!

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 82.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 12-F: Charlie gives the cab driver his shoes.

The driver lifts Charlie's shoes to his oddly-shaped nose and takes a deep breath.  "Gee, thanks," says the cab driver.  "These will be a great addition to my strange odor collection."

THE MORAL?  Don't see short your sense of smell.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 93.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 12-G: Charlie takes the tunnel leading to the left.

The tunnel seems to go on forever, but finally Charlie sees daylight up ahead.  He steps out onto the most beautiful pasture he's ever seen.  The sun is shining and small purple flowers seem to be everywhere.  Charlie feels sleepy and he lies down amongst the flowers and has the most beautiful dream.

THE MORAL?  Don't think so much all the time.  Sometimes you've just got to go with the flow.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 87.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 12-H: Charlie and Pigeon Woman go to battle Captain Dynamite

On the way to battle Captain Dynamite, the two stop by Pigeon Woman's secret hideout so she can change into her "Danger" outfit.  Her hideout is a spacious studio apartment on the west side of town, overlooking the park.  Charlie is pleasantly surprised at how well-kept the place is and is amazed at Pigeon Woman's taste in furniture.  Pigeon Woman tells Charlie to fix a drink and disappears into her bedroom.  When she reappears, she's dressed in a skimpy, transparent negligee and 9-inch heels.  Charlie's jaw drops about two feet, but he's able to regain his composure enough to follow her into her bedroom, where she teaches him how to make love "birdy style."

THE MORAL?  Hey!  It's best not to be too moral!

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 100.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 12-I: Charlie takes the tunnel leading to the right.

The tunnel leads to a small cavern, the floor of which has been covered with pink shag carpeting.  A man sits at a desk, his back to Charlie.  The man spins around.  Charlie is shocked to see his boss's nephew, Frankie, who looks at Charlie with a scowl.  He stands up quickly and points to a large display case of antique medical devices.

THE MORAL?  Frankie is everywhere.  There's simply no escaping him.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 62.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 12-J: Charlie and Pigeon Woman go to battle The Legion of Obese Super Villians

Pigeon Woman takes Charlie to the Burger Zone restaurant at the South end of town.  A teenaged boy behind the counter tells them that the Legion has stopped having their weekly meetings there.  He suggests they try the Pizza Shack on the East end of town.  The LOSV isn't there either.  They continue their search, stopping at all the fast food restaurants in town.  For Charlie, the initial excitement of fighting crime has worn pretty thin and Pigeon Woman has begun to get cranky.  Finally, the night cook at The House of Barbecue tells the duo that the Legion of Obese Super Villians has disbanded and all the members have joined Fat Watchers International.

THE MORAL?  Sometimes people surprise you in the darndest ways.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 67.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 12-K: Charlie drinks the blue liquid.

The blue liquid has a strangely calming effect at first, then Charlie's eyes begin to glow bright orange, his brain explodes, the top of his head catches fire and his tongue flies out of his mouth and begins flying around his head.  "Wow!" says Charlie, "That was really intense!"  But it seems he's talking to no one, for the magic ring has mysteriously vanished.

THE MORAL?  Hey, some of my best friends are drunks.

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 87.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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SCENE 12-L: Charlie doesn't drink the blue liquid.

The blue liquid drinks him.

THE MORAL?  Beware... beware!  Take care!  Take a chair, if you dare!

THE END -- YOUR SCORE: 20.  Click HERE to Play Again.

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THE END?

Copyright (C) 1999 Terran Boylan.  Email comments to terranb1@aol.com.